Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Talking About Harassment and Rape

Ok... so gonna do a serious blog. Cuz there's been lots of political talk about rape the past year and some idiots who apparently think there's a difference between rape and forced rape (um... rape by definition IS forced...). And the whole awful idea that 'she asked for it' because of something she was wearing, the location she was in or something she said / did.

Unless you set up a rape fantasy or are sitting there screaming "rape me!" then no... you're not asking for it. I think it's awful that our society believes a woman standing naked in the middle of a street shouldn't be safe from rape. Are men really that barbaric? That uncontrolled? No wonder we have so much sexual violence when society blames the women and makes it easy for the rapists to find justification for their actions.

Today I read a porn star's blog about the harassment that she faces because of her job.
Because men see her on the street and think it's okay to touch her or pull out her ear phones or follow her while she goes jogging. Because a man at a convention thought it was okay to thrust his hand under her skirt and put his fingers into her body. They ask her on dates, tell her she's their future wife, try to fondle her. And then call her a bitch when she reacts negatively, asks her why she's doing this to them.

Frighteningly, I could relate to this. Not just because of what I write, although that's part of it. I write under a penname for a reason and I constantly worry about having my real name being put out there. The majority of people in my life don't know that I write erotica, those that do know I ask not to bring it up very often. Not because I'm ashamed - believe me, I'm not, my parents know - but because I don't think it's safe.  The stories that I write have gotten me threats and graphic propositions along with compliments and criticism.

And that's outside of my daily life where, because I'm an attractive woman with double D breasts, I've been groped in bars, whistled at on streets, cat called on the sidewalk and once had to be rescued by a male friend from a frightening and potentially violent sexual situation.  In addition to being molested when I was fourteen by a guy that I had a crush on because I didn't know how to tell him no.  I'm pretty sure that there are a lot of Republican congressmen who would say I wasn't actually molested because I didn't fight it and I've struggled for YEARS and gone to therapy before I stopped blaming myself for what happened. Mostly.

Some people might read this and wonder why I write non-consent / reluctance stories. When I first started reading on Literotica, I was kind of horrified that those were the stories I was most drawn to originally, followed quickly by BDSM. I think that part of it's because I'm a submissive woman who likes a little pain with her sex. I think part of it's because in a story / writing situation I can control what's happening, rather than the out of control experience that I had in real life. I think it's because not everyone wants their fantasy to become a reality and sometimes it's fun to fantasize about being out of control, even though I never want it to happen to me or anyone else in real life. Because the reality isn't fun at all.

When I was at college, my first weekend there I went to a frat party. And left after about half an hour because I so did not feel comfortable. On my way back to my dorm I saw a car driving up and down the main street of campus with a guy leaning out the window, on a bullhorn, yelling "Who wants to get raped?" over and over.  Women lined the streets, shocked at this group of assholes.  And then we all cheered when the cop car following behind them pulled their asses over.

No one. No one wants to get raped. Or touched in appropriately. And I don't care if the woman is stark naked out in public, she should be safe from being touched, being harassed, or being sexually assaulted. Because we're supposed to be a higher form of life than regular animals.


  1. Until society stops the double standard of women and men's sexuality ( sleeping with 100 people makes a guy a hero and a girl a slut) How can society truelly say that there is equal footing for both men and women

  2. Very well said. Since the 6th grade when I developed, well, very well, men of all ages have felt that it was perfectly acceptable to make comments. Until someone teaches their children manners this will continue.

  3. I've read quite a few of your stories on lit and truly love the women's perspective on things. This is truly a very deep topic to bring up and discuss, what I believe is at the core of this problem is a lack of mental health and a total disrespect of other human beings rights. Evolution is a long process and the only thing we can do is safe guard are selves against the dangers and try not to live in fear of them.