Friday, March 29, 2013

I Have Lady Bits

I sometimes wonder how many people read my stories and assume I'm a woman.  I don't get comments from them about that so I have no idea, but I get comments on a fairly regular basis from readers who originally assumed I was a man and then checked out my Bio on Literotica or my Blog and realized that I'm a woman.  One time, back during the first years that I was writing, I was accused of being a man masquerading as a woman... that person didn't really like whatever story they were commenting on if I recall correctly.  They also said I was probably in my 50s. 

Considering that back then I was in my early 20s I found it more than a little hilarious.

Yes people, I have real, live lady bits. I know that I've written some fairly dark stories, but back then I was in a fairly dark place. My high school sweetheart and I were constantly having issues and they all pertained to him wanting to date other women before he settled on getting engaged to me. Considering that we'd been together for 5 years and already talking marriage at that point, and he wanted to keep having his cake while he was dating these other girls, it's probably not surprising that I was in a rather dark place when it came to sex and women in general.  I've noticed that my more recent stories, even the rough ones, have a lot more romance in them than my old ones... and I think that's because I'm now happily married to someone who has never taken me for granted the way my high school ex did.

Writing has always been an outlet for me, but it's only now that I'm realizing exactly how many of my demons I may have exorcised through my stories for Lit.  Although people still tend to think I'm a man.  I had someone recently comment on Chapter 9 of Being the Maid that they assumed the author was a man and that I should talk to some other female authors so that I could make my stories more realistic when it came to describing how things are for a woman.  I'm still not entirely sure what that commenter was talking about... the only thing I can think of is that Bridget and Garrett had hot passionate sex the night after she played the games with the other three men and in real life I'm pretty sure she would've been way too sore to actually do that.  However... it's a fantasy and a story and I made the executive decision not to make them wait another night for her to recover.  I'm not even sure if that's what the reader was talking about though.

It made me wonder... Do I not write very well from a female perspective? I mean, I've always joked to my husband that I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body, but truthfully I've always felt pretty in touch with my femininity. I like pink and purple, I love shopping and fruity drinks, sparkles and glitter make me squeal, and I still play dress up whenever I can. Sure I like the rough stuff in my stories, but even though I'm fairly submissive and like hard sex in real life, I consider myself a feminist.  Which may sound weird considering how many non-con stories that I write, but honesty I think I'm working through some of my own demons in those as well.  In real life... I've been in the Vagina Monologues, I spear-headed a movement to send protest emails to a newspaper in a town where a young girl was being blamed for her own rape, and I do whatever I can to fight for equality.  I think that a woman should be able to safely walk naked down any street at midnight. I think that people who try to cover up sexual violence or place blame on the victim should be raped themselves and see how they feel about.  If something like what happened to that poor girl in Iowa happened anywhere near me I'd probably be organizing protests outside of the coaches' house for trying to cover things up and outside of the boys houses too.  It drives me nuts how many people stand to the side and just let things happen.

I suppose people might feel that I'm actually part of the problem, considering what I write... but the way I see it, it's okay to have dark fantasies. The human psyche is myriad and strange.  The important thing is to know where the fantasy ends and reality begins.  I placate my own darkness by writing and reading about things that I think should never, ever be done to a human being.  I realize that there are dark places inside of me that I don't fully understand and I accept that, and I never, ever act on any of the things that sometimes play out in my head because it would be WRONG. Instead I let some of it dribble out into my writing. Instead, I read other people's non-con and erotic horror stories and play in the fantasy before returning to reality.  That's what books and movies are for. And no, I don't blame anyone but the perpetrator for making their own decision to do something in reality that should have never strayed from their fantasy life.

Hmm.  I seem to have gotten off topic.

The point is... I'm not entirely sure why people keep thinking I'm a man. It amuses me. It does sometimes make me wonder how many readers assume I'm a girl though. And why. If anyone has some thoughts I'd love comments on this...

In other news, for some reason chapter 3 of Marriage Training is still not out. Won't lie, I was kind of pissed off about that this morning. Seriously... I submitted it what... 4 days ago? 5? I'm not going to look at my previous blog posts to check because if it was 5 then I'll just be even more pissy about it.  How long does it take to publish a freaking chapter though?!

7 comments :

  1. Chapter 3 is up now, just finished reading it. Quite enjoyed it, ready for the next installment.

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    1. YAY! Thank you so much for letting me know!

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  2. Please cater to my selfish needs and focus all your time and attention on the next chapter of Marriage Training! I NEED to know what happens next!! :-)

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  3. Oh I feel like I have to respond to this one too (in a good way of course).

    I agree wholeheartedly it's okay for women to write dark fantasy stuff. In my case I write it purely because it's that--it's fantasy. I don't necessarily write it because I'm in a dark place, it's just where my mind goes for fantasy purposes.

    You've read my work and know that I also go dark--there's plenty of loveydovey stuff out there with the romance, and honestly, if that's the type of thing I want in my life, I have the means to try and get it.

    I go dark to let my imagination run wild with things that would completely freak me out to have happen in real life. My favorite story of yours still remains "Visiting Her Neighbor", followed closely by Poker Loser (the lit version, sadly haven't had time to go through the rewrite for amazon). As much as I find the stories hot, I would break down into a blithering idiot if I was actually being forced/blackmailed into sex and I know it.

    Also a reason I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with that bizarre little aspect of my life--I've thought about story ideas (down to a basic outline even) but can't think about it because it ends up being so close to home it freaks me out.

    So I don't think you need to apologize for writing dark--I think it's way more awesome to have fellow women writing in such a manner. :)

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    1. Heh heh... I think it's so funny that Visiting Her Neighbor is one of your favorites. I was thinking about that today during our Twitter convo and I was like "shoot... that would've been the perfect name!"

      Super excited to write your little story, but I know what you mean about it being too close to life to be able to. Next time I have one of those moments I know who I'll be contacting! =D

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    2. hehe--yeah. I think on the outline I created once I had the working title of something like "Paying for the Ride". It'll be interesting to see where you take the story as opposed to where I would have gone with it if it wasn't too shiver inducing to write it myself. :)

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    3. Heh heh, hopefully I'll be able to do it justice!

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