Friday, February 7, 2014

From Fantasy to Reality

One of the questions I hear the most is a variant on whether or not my stories are based on reality.  I feel like sometimes that's because people want to know something about me, but sometimes I get the feeling it's because they've been fantasizing about the stuff that I write about and they're wondering what the reality might be like.
Well... sometimes reality bites.  LOL.

I do a fair amount of experimentation with hubby, but one of the first things I learned is that the transition from fantasy to reality is best done slowly.  Baby steps.  Lots and lots of little baby steps.  Because while sometime might seem great in your head, if you plunge right in you can get burned (sometimes literally, although fire-play has never appealed to me... my Ben-Gay experiment was enough to convince me not to rush ahead just because one thing feels good 5 seconds in).

The next thing I learned was that, sometimes I love the fantasy and hate the reality, no matter how slowly I take it.  I'm not surprised that many women who try out spanking and kind of horrified the first time they actually try it out in real life - it freaking hurts.  And if your partner doesn't know what they're doing and take the time to warm up your skin, it can hurt even more.  And not in that erotic "good" way that I write about.  Although I do get wet from being spanked, I've discovered that it's more about what's going on in my head than how it actually feels - although I do like the pain a little bit.

A hardcore masochist, I am not. 

I love to read / write about it though.  I have an utter fascination with it when it comes to stories, but show me a video with real people or try it on me and I freak out.  So not sexy.  I can't watch BDSM porn most of the time because when I see the extreme stuff I'm like AAAAAAHHH.  But then give me a few weeks and I'm writing about it and it's all sexy in my head.  Brutal nipple clamps, fisting, caning... oh yeah, I'm all about it as long as I'm just writing.  But if I see a porn picture of it or something I'm sitting in front of my computer cradling my breasts thinking ow ow ow and completely turned off. 

Another example... I think it's pretty clear that I love writing in the non-con category.  I have no real explanation for this, because I don't even like rape-play.  A lot of women enjoy role playing it, but I'm not one of them.  I completely freak out if it gets even close to that.  I love being tied up or held down, but only if we're not role-playing anything... try to role play that and suddenly the ropes are claustrophobic and I'm panicking and trying to kick free.  And it's not sexy.

So my major advice for anyone who wants to try to turn their fantasies into reality... take it slow.  If I'd gone for a hardcore spanking the first time I'd tried it out, I probably never would have attempted it again... but now I can take more than I could when I first started trying it and enjoy myself.  Don't worry if you don't actually like the reality, that's perfectly normal. It's still possible to seriously enjoy the fantasy =D  And sometimes I go back and try things that I didn't like the first time round, just to see if my tastes have change.

I have to admit... I've used the Ben-Gay again since my first experiment.  Sometimes I just want to feel the burn.  But I still have yet to try out figging. 


  1. I'm so glad you wrote about this. I've been married for over 30 years and have recently (last 3 years) been allowing some of my fantasy convert to reality very slowly. My husband has been trying for 10 years to get me to enjoy anal anything, but I couldn't move pass the ick factor until we started experimenting with spanking. Once I learned to tune into the spanking pain, I learned to enjoy anal play which always begins with a little pain (at least for me).

    By the way, you are an extremely talented writer. I have bought everything you've sold on Kindle, and I love all your work on literotica.

    1. Oh yeah... I think a lot of people that fantasize about anal try to take things WAY too quickly, esp since stories tend to talk about "shoving it in" and then the character works their way through the pain in a matter of moments. Soooo not how it works LOL

      And thank you so much!

    2. I have to agree that 'just shove it in' is awful. I personally absolutely love anal sex, I can orgasm from anal alone. One time, a while ago, I was having fairly vigorous sex with my husband and he had a tip slip. All the way in, no warning, and no malicious intent. Even though we regularly had anal sex even at that point, just shoving it in was still very painful. It totally ended the sex right then and there. Luckily my husband is awesome and was incredibly understanding.

      So for anyone who has had a bad anal experience, if you're even remotely interested still, give it another shot.... with LOTS of patience. I highly recommend it.

  2. Agree with you, Yfleac. Everyone loves fantasy but what I enjoy most is fantasy with its feet on the ground - things that might actually happen to ME.

    And now I can share something with the Mistress. Ben-Gay is just too much, but have you tried Fisherman's Friends? They are absolutely wonderful for oral sex - in either direction. Guaranteed to give you a warm glow (and then some...). Now you just have to persuade your man to tolerate the taste. Some don't but I always have some around. For the sinuses, of course, but you never know...

    1. I'll have to check out Fisherman's Friends... I enjoy Ben-Gay when I'm in a certain mood, but it's def not something for ALL the time =P