Thursday, October 18, 2012

Give Me Safeword Suggestions Please!

A "safeword" is used in BDSM when a submissive is in too much pain / turmoil / etc. to continue with the scene.  Different relationships within BDSM use safewords in different ways - with a Master and slave relationship safewording can mean the end of the relationship, rather than just the scene. With a sadist and masochist, it can mean that the masochist has hit their pain threshold. With a newbie, it can mean that they've become too uncomfortable with what's happening - maybe because they feel that the Dom has gone beyond the discussed boundaries of the scene, maybe because they're having an overwhelming and unexpected emotional reaction, maybe because they've hit the point where they trust the Dom they're working with.

Safewords are important because sometimes your automatic instinct is to say "no" or "stop" but in a BDSM relationship that might not actually what you want, it's just an automatic reaction when someone is pouring hot wax on your sensitive bits. So having an agreed upon word to immediately halt the action is important.. A standard safeword, often used in BDSM books and IRL (as far as I can determine) is "Red," which is often used in combination with "green" and "yellow" - like a stop light. Green means that the sub is good, comfortable and ready for more. Yellow means that they need a moment to collect themselves or that they want to stop and discuss something / need reassurance / etc. but it is not a "stop" safeword, the Dom will continue.  Yellow is often used when a sub is doing something completely new which the Dom knows will push their boundaries. Red is the immediate STOP and the scene is over.

People often have their own personal safewords that they use, a word that they will remember in the middle of a scene and that is something you wouldn't otherwise hear in a scene. One of my favorites that I once saw in a book was "Houston" - as in "Houston we have a problem."  I laughed my ass off over that one.

For my own books, I'd love to have some unique safewords and (hopefully) some funny / original reasons behind the safeword.

So far this is what I've come up with:

"Uncle" - as in "say uncle."

"Kitchen" - which came from "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen"

"Checkmate" - possibly a chess player? (ok, you can see that I suck at this... please help me out)

"Monkey" - long standing fear of the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz

yeah okay. so those are some of the ones that I've come up with. Safewords usually have some kind of meaning behind them for the submissive who chooses it, because it has to be a word that they will remember no matter what.  I've noticed that in most of the books that I've read it seems to come from a life event. My own personal preference is to choose a word that I find unsexy (like, for me saying "Daddy" would be an instant mood-killer, but for someone in a Daddy Dom relationship that obviously wouldn't work because it would actually be a turn on.).

So. Any suggestions? Please leave it in a comment section! It may end up in a book ;)


  1. Replies
    1. LOL that's a fun one... any suggestions for the reasoning behind it?

  2. A good one for not breaking the role play is "MERCY".

    As far is red light stop safe word, something that is not sexual that the sub in question dislikes "Brussel Sprouts".

    1. Oooo I really like "Mercy" for the role playing sequences =) Thanks!

    2. If the sub is from higher education background you could use Latin "Terminus = end".

    3. Oooooo that's a great one! Thanks!!!!!!!

  3. Pickle. My reasoning being that if I hear pickle in the middle of an SM scene, I must be doing something wrong.

    I *want* to hear begging and pleading. STOP! Mercy please! No more are just as much music to my ears as are moans, purrs, yips and screams. All of it just drives me deeper into domspace.

    Pickle... not so much.

  4. Cacao!

    See the episode of Portlandia...